Come Saturday Morning

When I drove up the driveway to my parent's house to visit last weekend, I could see my dad through the window turning on extra house lights. Duke, my dalmation love (see "I Wanna Be Loved Like That" from January) approached my car at panting speed to lead me to my usual parking spot. When mom came home, she opened the squeeky front door already yelling hello in her "I'm so happy you're home!" voice.
Dad, mom and I stayed up late watching the news, finding every open door to make a sarcastic comment to the newscasters on TV to make each other laugh, eating popcorn and drinking Diet Vanilla Cherry Pepsi (O.K.A. "Jazz" - try it, you'll be glad you did).

Saturday, mom and I made plans to hang out together until dad came home and we could watch a movie.
I'd gone out to take some pictures for Patrick, and when I came back in, mom was sitting on the couch crying as she looked something up on her laptop.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes," she said. "I just remembered a song and began to sing it...but I can't remember all the words."
She fumbled around with the words a bit and whistled the tune, then sang in a tear-shaken voice,
"'I'm goin' away with my friend. We'll Saturday spend to the end of the day...We'll travel for miles in our Saturday smiles. Then we'll move on, but we will remember long after Saturday's gone.'
"That's you and me," she said, wiping tears with her t-shirt sleeve. "We have a whole Saturday ahead, and more ahead after today. Isn't that good?"


: ) Yes. It's very good.

Here's the full song:

Come Saturday morning
I'm going away with my friend
We'll Saturday spend to the end of the day
Just I and my friend
We'll travel for miles in our Saturday smiles
And then we'll move on, but
We will remember,
long after Saturday's gone.


Come Saturday morning
I'm going away with my friend
We'll Saturday laugh more than half of the day
Just I and my friend
Dressed up in our rings and our Saturday things
And then we'll move on, but
We will remember,
long after Saturday's gone.


Isn't love and friendship the realest, most beautiful thing? There's nothing else like it.

Smileyland (Fiction)

I work at a place called Smileyland. It's a lot like Disneyland. The people who work here all believe in dreams coming true! We all laugh and sing together, and everyone is always - ALWAYS - smiling. Exciting videos play everywhere you turn and games go on all day long. Children adore it here at Smileyland! They beg their parents to bring them here.
My bosses want the very best for all of our guests, both while they're here, and in their futures. In fact, success is promised to every person who regularly attends Smileyland. Riches, too. They'll go the extra mile to find a perfect mate for our guests while they're here if they don't already have one. If they already do, their marriage is about to get sizzlin,' if you know what I mean. It - will - be - perfect! Nothing is too much to hope for here at Smileyland.

Did I say everyone is promised these things? I'm sorry. It's not actually everyone.
There's a ceremony that happens at the end of every day at Smileyland. If people want the Smileyland promises, they have to raise their hand at the invitation of Smileyland's Master of Ceremonies.
Oh! Our Master of Ceremonies! He's the kindest man you've ever known, and so handsome! His smile is bright and his eyes are full of life. His wife looks like a pageant queen. Remember that perfect marriage I said they promised? Well, he's got it. He also has three kids and the mansion on the hill that overlooks Smileyland.
His life must be perfect. He must be perfect. I've never actually met him, but that's what all his closest friends say. He'd never tell you that, though. He's an amazing, humble man.

Anyway, where was I? Oh! Closing ceremonies. Near the end of every day here at Smileyland, the Master of Ceremonies makes a simple request that anyone who would like to receive the Smileyland promises raise their hand. You should see those hands go up. It's so exciting! There are shouts of celebration and sometimes we sing songs.
The Master of Ceremonies and his friends seem amazed when so many people raise their hands. In weekly staff meetings, he makes regular announcements: "Last night, 76 people raised their hands!" Everyone cheers and celebrates all over again.

The Master of Ceremonies gives credit to the Founder of Smileyland for all the exciting things happening these days. Smileyland wasn't always this big and popular, you see, nor did we have so many fun things to do here or so much great food. The Master of Ceremonies says it's what the Creator of Smileyland told him that he wanted for his land.
If that's the case, than Smileyland is all the Founder had ever wanted it to be. According to the Master, there has never been a time in the history of Smileyland when more people have raised their hands! He stays very focussed on making sure that happens. Spare no expense; spare no pain or loss. The whole day of fun is wrapped up in that one moment when the invitation is made and those hands are raised.

I don't get to talk much with the people who raise their hands after that day. It's so busy around here. They're encouraged to go to a Smileyland training course where many quickly learn how to become a part of the staff. Soon, I see them working a booth across the way, or following one of Master's friends around to learn the ropes. We wave and smile at each other and talk about the weather when we can. We're one big happy family. They must be happy, spending every day here at Smileyland.
I know I am. Well, most days. Some days. Even on the days I'm not, I always - ALWAYS - wear a smile.

That was a bad day, the day they found me without a smile. They told me they were disappointed in me; even considered demoting me from my position. I was so sorry! I had tried to hide my sadness. I'd found out my best friend had died the night before. I'd also realized one of my lifelong dreams wouldn't be coming true. I wasn't sure what to do with my sorrow.
They helped me, though!
"Wear a smile," they said. "Things will get better. Remember the Smileyland promises? Those are yours!"
They were right. I wore a smile, and soon, I'd forgotten all about my best friend and my dreams.

I run one of the rides here at Smileyland. I didn't tell you that? I'm sorry. Ya, it's a great job. I've been here 12 years. I've been working on minimum wage since I started, but they say I'll be promoted soon. Just give it time. I'm really looking forward to it!
Right now, I try to get in 14 hours a day, and I live in a trailer next to Smileyland so I can be here anytime they need me. They say it's not manditory, but it really is. I mean, my other option would be to drive across town, speeding all the way to make sure I'm here at the time they tell me I need to be. Speeding is strictly forbidden for all of the staff here at Smileyland. Smileyland staff represent Smileyland on and off grounds.
There's just so much work to do here to live too far away anyway! There really is. Even when I'm here, there's no time to meet people or visit.

We're not here to get to know people anyway. This is business. Relationships take time. Time away from our jobs. There are new guests here daily, and we need to make sure they have the best day of their lives. How else can we expect them to raise their hands?
And that's not optional. It's all that matters here at Smileyland.

Peace, People-Pleasers, and Purple People Eaters

You know what? I think it's been five years since I've regularly operated in a confident state of peace. I'm looking forward to making some changes to see that I get back to that place again.

One of the differences between these years of living outside of peace and the days when I lived inside of it is my desire to please everyone around me. When I was operating under peace, I was free from that. I only had One Judge. For the past five years or so I've had several, and I've been conditioned to believe that's okay - good, really. It hasn't taken anyone to directly say this to me to get the clear message: the better people-pleaser I became, the more money I'd make, the more success I'd find, and the quicker all my 'dreams' would come true...and isn't that what God ultimately wants for us? (NO!)
Over the past couple of months, I've realized that I've bought into this lie. I did it without realizing I'd even taken out my checkbook. I made only subtle changes, as I've never been very good at people pleasing anyway. Just a few more "yeses" here and there to please the masses; a few more "no's" to the Only One who matters, deceiving myself into thinking that He would be pleased if I was just nice to everybody and pleased everyone else, regardless of the cost (gag me).
Over five years, these subtle changes have added up to make for a lost Pauline, wandering through unsettling days filled with confusion. I don't want days like this anymore.

You know what I want? I want peace.
I want to take time to listen to the people in my life, hear them tell their stories and let them change mine.
I want to take time to call old friends who've meant the world to me and tell them how they're still changing my life.
I want to take time to sit next to the woman whose heart is breaking. I want to invite her over, buy her clothes and feed her well.
I want to sing new songs that the Lord has put on my heart to sing for Him without shame or fear that people around won't like it, or that my song's not good enough.
I want to write stories for my niece and nephew.
I want to create things that are colorful and full of beauty.
I want to be gracious and tender.
I want a soft heart that feels and desires and is passionate about what I do.
I want to inspire.
I want to set people free.
I want to live creatively.
I want to call to tell people that I love them whenever I want to.
I want to do something that's fulfilling to me at the deepest part of my soul, even if I make two pennies a day doing it.
I want to live a life that's eternal.
...You get my point.

This list of wants isn't a list I'm encouraged to make and pursue by the world I've found myself operating in today. It may be different if I was pursuing a successful career writing greeting cards or creating posters with flowers and butterflies along their borders. Besides that, though, this list is unpopular and unrealistic to a world full of *Purple People Eaters with money to make and deadlines to keep. You can understand why, for the past five years of trying to please the world AND trying to please Jesus by checking things off this list of mine, I haven't been able to find peace.
Have I found success? That would depend on your definition of success. I have found money, nice things and a small corner of the world that thinks I'm kind of neat sometimes.
For me, I have not found success. Success would be checking things off of my list; going back to pleasing the Only Judge I have that matters, and in doing that, finding peace.
I think I'll go back to doing that again for a while.


*Purple People Eaters really had nothing to do with this blog, but I really wanted to add them to my title, so I did.
Peace!

I'm Home!!!!!!!

Hello, bloggers and friends! I owe you, someone who's bothered to check my blog over the past month, a huge e-hug just for being you. Thank you for checking in.
Man, do I live outside of the blogger's social circle, or what? I'm on the outside looking in at all you cool Abercrombie-and-Fitch-wearing bloggers (metaphorically speaking) who check each other's daily entries and feed off other's creativity like elementary school kids at the popular table trading Twix bars for Reeses at noon. I'm afraid I may be the girl in the blogger school cafeteria who sits at the corner table cause I can't seem to get the blogger's social etiquette down. If I moved closer to the popular kid's table, I'd only have a banana to trade! : ) Nooooo, I'd have more than a banana to trade, silly. I'd also have a plastic mixed-fruit cup.
I'm a worse case than that, if I'm being honest. It's not that I can't get the etiquette down. It's that I have no idea what the blogger social etiquette is. Has anyone ever written out the secret blogger social rules? I'm sure they exist. I'd LOVE to read through them if anyone knows where I can get a copy. I don't guarantee compliance, but I do guarantee I'll get a good laugh at myself as I learn how many of the invisible social rules I've broken. If no one has written them out, it would be a great blog entry idea for someone to tackle (ehem: Settecase).
Anyway, for anyone who missed the girl in the blogger cafeteria corner who packed a banana for dessert, I'm back. : ) Thanks for staying tuned.

So much has happened in the last month! I found a new apartment, moved in, painted, decorated, painted some more, bought the coolest coffee table of all time, and increased local Walmart profits by an ungodly amount. BUT, you guys, my apartment is SO CUTE! Isn't it, Patrick? I'll add a picture here...maybe tonight.
Here's the thing. Because of the location of my apartment, I now have dial-up. Rumor has it that I'm not going to be doing much of anything with this kind of service. We'll see, huh?

Hey, that wasn't bad at all! It took a couple minutes. I'm impressed.

Wanna see another picture?

..................Aaand, that's not working at quite the same pace. I'll have to share another picture with you later.

Anywho, until then, I just wanted to say hello, tell you thank you for reading, and tell you that I've missed being around the blogger cafeteria to see all your cool Abercrombie-and-Fitch blogger faces. : )'